Chasing Life, for Suicide Loss Survivors

Suicide loss survivors are in a somewhat peculiar situation after the loss of a loved one, mostly because they are not only struggling with the loss itself, but also with the circumstances leading up to it. Almost always there is the added trauma of either witnessing the deed or finding their loved one afterward. Not understanding the downward spiral of your loved one’s mental health, probably not even realizing how bad it was, maybe not noticing anything at all, and being unable to prevent their death, are all factors that intensify and even delay coming to terms with this deep grief. In short, it is not the same as losing a loved one to natural causes.

Unanswerable questions, guilt, shame, anger, judgment, our beliefs about grief, and religion, are all obstacles on our road toward healing. What to do if we missed the signs, or if there were never any signs to begin with? How does one move on from this experience, and is it even possible? How do we move forward without the fear of forgetting our loved ones, how do we get past the fear of losing them for a second time? How do we learn to live a life of duality where loss and a new life can co-exist? How do we even begin to build a new life when we are still struggling to come to terms with the old one?

Suicide is complex and the grief after suicide loss is just as complex. Almost everybody who is touched by this struggle to move through the grieving process. A good portion of families never seems to adjust to their new life at all. Suicide ideation amongst the bereaved friends and family is not rare, even if they have never struggled with mental health issues before.  Intense therapy and long-term support are almost always needed.

Society is impatient with grief, and even grief counsellors don’t grasp the depth of it unless they have walked in these shoes. The bottom line is that you don’t know before you know. It is pain that crushes your body, mind, and soul, and when it is not understood or validated, the wound deepens and may even delay healing.

Nobody wants to talk about loss and even less about suicide. When these two core wounds are avoided, it keeps the shame alive. This book sprouted not only from my personal experience with suicide loss but also from working with literally thousands of families over many years. Not being able to find books about trauma and/or suicide loss locally, I’ve had to import everything at a great cost. My prayer is that this book will not only help suicide loss survivors find their way through the grief but also learn how to create a new and healed life.